so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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