I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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