A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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