anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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