Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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