never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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