So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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