were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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