I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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