its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize