I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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