Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
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So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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