Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize