your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
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Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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