So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize