Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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