You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize