I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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