just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize