I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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