im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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