A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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