No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize