So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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