so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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