Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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