At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm really busy with my period
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