I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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