nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize