Someone shit on the floor
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
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she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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