so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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