just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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