Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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