It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
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you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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