apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize