my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize