Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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