Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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