yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
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You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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