I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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