you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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