Someone shit on the floor
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize