I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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