Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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