you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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