Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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