you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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