she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need to calm my uterus...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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