That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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