i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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